Crazy to think that I started this blog 4 years ago. Seems like a really long time ago since my husband did what he did. Altho, some days it feels like yesterday – ahh – nahhh- not really… It feels like it has been years. The first two years were just utterly painful. Then it pretty much got easier and easier for the most part. Thankfully! …Cant say time heels all wounds but with time, we have done so much work on our relationship and our communication that the wounds are just scars at this point. As with a scar, if you keep picking at it, it wont heal. It will continue to re-open and it will bleed again. So there it is, I dont pick at it – ever! I have finally gotten to the point where we don’t talk about the affair anymore. I don’t even throw one-liner jabs at him anymore. The triggers are barely even there or when they do pop in my head, they are there and gone before I even sit and deeply think on them anymore. I don’t want to be reminded of any of it so why speak upon it or think about it. In order to get it out of my life, I had to let it go! I do still read some blogs on affairs and infidelity. I think this is just my comfort zone where I know people have gone through the same shit as me, if not worse, and I have made a few blogging-buds but I dont visit the blogs to re-open my past what so ever.
4 years later and I come in peace!
I will never understand why he betrayed me. I will never like his answers. I don’t think I will ever fully forgive him but it has been 4 years and he has shown me that he IS the man I married for many good reasons, more reasons then bad (yes, the bad ones almost literally killed me) but he really isnt that terrible man that he was being for several years. I do believe he chose to make mistakes over and over yet I do believe that he is terribly sorry for them. There is no need to beat him up or he beat himself up for it anymore. I trust him again. Its not blind trust, like where I would have bet the Dow-Jones that he would never do that to me, but I dont check his phone or even worry about it anymore. When he was messing up back then, there were signs that I just didnt want to believe. If I ever had any questioning at this point, I will go with my gut, not his words. With that said, he never gives me a reason to even question what he is up to so we are all good.
4 years since my husbands trashy-ass infidelity and we are finally…
…Happily Ever After ❤