The End

 

High five bud! WE are fucking awesome!

We have weathered storms.

Created superstars

Fought crock-a- dillies 😛

Moved Mountains

Been to hell and back…

Our journey has been real! (for the most part) – on my behalf it was 100!

WE have put on quite a show, but now the curtains closing

I know I am no longer treating you right – u deserve better and so do I. I don’t even like how I treat you anymore – even if it is a reaction to an action.

I have way too much love and respect in my heart for you, for us, for our family

I refuse to go out like that. I refuse to go down in flames.

Lets go out with some pride and dignity.

Lets be that couple who doesn’t end in hatred. We end with love.

Please lets do this nicely. Proudly. With our heads held high. We failed at marriage but lets not fail as parents. This is going to be the hardest on them. I just want to slowly part ways without just throwing it in their faces. We have 10+ years with each other. There is a lot to sort out. No need for hostility. Do your part as a father and I will do mine as a mother – no need to even involve courts – that is not my motive.

WE should actually be very proud of ourselves.

Who would have ever thought we would make it as long as we did??…

When we first got together – we were just kids.

You, my dear husband are my favorite mistake and most definitely my hardest goodbye!

_________________________________________________________

As you all can see… I have decided to walk away from my marriage. His infidelity played a huge roll in my decision, but it wasn’t all of it. Before his disgustingness came out, we had problems. I thought they were just everyday life problems, problems that I could handle and that we would always move forward from. but now, now that I have had to dissect every thing, I no longer see the rest of my life with him. The little problems, on top of infidelity is just too much for me to live with. I mean I could live with it but I don’t think I will ever feel “ful-filled” I will feel like I am just settling. Cheating to me always was a deal breaker. I tried to work through it, excuse it, forgive it, whatever… in the end… it was still my deal breaker…

I don’t know how to say any of this to my husband. I know he is going to make this hell on me.  I don’t want to go into great depths about our shortcomings or anything like that. I don’t want to cry about any of it anymore. I just want to get it over with. But why -Why does it have to be so hard to say goodbye!!???? Is this too much to ask ??

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27 thoughts on “The End

  1. Wow! I wasn’t expecting this. Like the others I read your last entry and thought you were planning on staying. I am sure you will find the right words to tell him. It may be hard but you can do it. You have given him an amazing gift by being so gracious and rational. I think when infidelity is involved it can be very difficult to react with anything except pain and fury so good for you for being able to be so practical. I hope he cooperates with you and that this goes by quickly. Good luck with it all!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t think my husband is expecting this either. And I highly doubt his reaction is going to be cooperative. Unfortunately, there is nothing he can do about it at this point. I just have to figure out a game plan, execute, and move forward… Thanks for the support.

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    • I just stumbled on your blog. I love it. Thank you for being so real. I am struggling with my husband’s affair. After 22 1/2 years of marriage and 5 kids, he got “bored” when I went back to grad school and was busy at night with my coursework, and had a 3 month affair with a bartender who works at the bar he has frequented for years on a weekly basis without me. Because I think hanging out in bars getting drunk week after week when we have a family is pretty gross. But he says it’s normal for men in the trades like him so I’ve put up with it for two decades.
      Now, his affair came out into the open on Father’s day morning. (That was a fun fucking brunch with the family I can tell you.) He has stopped the involvement but still sees her as he continues to go to that bar. He has now said he hasn’t really been in love with me for over a year, but slowly but surely, his feelings are returning bit by bit. (Yay, me!) He thinks I should just wait it out since he feels we have a real future together and for the sake of our kids. But he continues to go out and get drunk weekly, often at the bar where his whore works. They had regular sex in his truck in the bar parking lot apparently. Although he admits he was always too drunk to climax, so I shouldn’t really consider it good sex. (WTF)…..Now I’ve come to realize I no longer want to be married to a drunk. 5 kids or not. I still deeply love him, but I’ve lost so much self-respect over this and need to move on. I just started a career after being a stay at home mom for 20 years. Not making a shitload of money (I’m a new teacher and loving it)….but I know I can take care of myself. How is it so easy to hate and love at the same time???

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    • Thank you! That is what I hope for most – is to not hate each other in the end. I have nothing but love for him, I just don’t want to be with him anymore…kind of a catch 22 huh

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I completely feel your pain. I have been getting closer and closer to divorce. While I also can’t say its 100% his infidelity that broke us, it certainly made things much worse. It does seem like problems are manageable before infidelity. But after, yeah, not willing to put up with as much (which is a good thing I think).Take comfort and peace knowing that you gave it your all before this decision. Its hard because despite all the pain, you do have love for him. He’s been a part of your life for over a decade. You have children together. Grieving the loss of the hopes and dreams is just as hard as losing the person.
    Hugs to you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • “Grieving the loss of the hopes and dreams is just as hard as losing the person” AMEN!! I wish you luck and clarity whether to divorce or not. It took me the whole two years to finally have a balance on my choice. And now, I am already feeling better, I just need to put the plan into action. I know its going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done but I also know I have to do it – not because I am forced but because I know in my heart, its time.

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  3. So sad but understandable. I can completely empathise with your pain. Like you say, every relationship has those things that are not 100% perfect, but you can somehow look past them….until infidelity rears it’s ugly head that is.

    Why oh why do people deem it an acceptable act to carry out and risk EVERYTHING for the sake of momentary gratification.

    Whatever happens do not EVER feel guilty for the path you have chosen to take. He screwed up, not you.

    Good luck to you in the coming weeks / months. *hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Why oh why do people deem it an acceptable act to carry out and risk EVERYTHING for the sake of momentary gratification”… Right! I asked why way too many times. In the end, he should have never risked someone like me because now he has lost. Thanks for the comment and the hugs – they are much needed!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree with everyone. You will find the words to tell him how you feel and what you want. You have been an amazing wife and, sometimes, it is just difficult to move on past the pain of infidelity. Kudos to you for trying.

    The most important thing in this is that you take care of yourself. You cannot persevere or take care of your babies if you haven’t taken care of yourself first – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually….

    My wish for you is peace. Peace of my mind, clarity, and confidence. I know it will come to you. And, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much!! I appreciate you being there – chances are I will need someone to talk to so I will prolly hit you up on that. How have you been doing??

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  5. It is what it is. Do what’s best for you. One day, when you’re ready to jump back on the wagon….you’re going to make a guy really happy. Especially with your fierce brand of loyalty. That’s something to be envious about.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my, couldn’t stop reading.

    I have had the same arguement in my head many a time since the betrayal… Each time though I fought against it.
    At the moment I am happy, things are working out ok… However I know at any time ‘I can leave’ if I so wish.
    Well done for making a decision, I hope it is the right one for you and your family. X x x

    Liked by 1 person

    • shitty decision to have to make but really, I feel as tho my husband made the decision for me, I am just putting it into action. Thanks tho. I wish you the best of luck as well!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I wish you all the best. I’ve gone against anything I have ever believed In, I’ve stayed after being betrayed. Not an easy choice staying but it’s the right one at the moment.
        Well done for giving it a good go. Your happiness has to come first x

        Liked by 1 person

  7. mourn the death of your marriage – your dreams – its a death, no two ways about it. Infidelity is the most cutting betrayal – so deep, raw, real. Love yourself and know its not about you. He cheated and will live with the consequences of being a liar to you and your children for the rest of his life. You did not do this. Forgive and love yourself. thats where the healing starts. and btw, the healing is a long roller coaster process. be patient with yourself.
    kirby

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi T-Well, I won’t say sorry to hear that, because I know there is relief in seeing the truth, trusting your gut and making a decision. Yes, the circumstances suck, but I can tell you are a strong person. I hope that you both blossom in your “next life”, and I hope you have the loving separation that you envision.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. I haven’t told him I am leaving him yet :/ .. Not really sure how to but I highly doubt that “loving” is going to be the reaction I get. Its all good tho, you are right, I am strong and I have to do whats best for me.

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  9. Love the sentiment you shared, “You, my dear husband are my favorite mistake and most definitely my hardest goodbye!” Boy is that ever a truth in print. Continue to be brave, you are stronger than you think, and more so when you need to be. Its tough for sure but I can remember telling M, not to mistake the lack of tears as me not caring, but that he didn’t deserve any more of them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • …coming from you, I must sound braver/stronger than I feel. Knowing bits and pieces of what you have gone through and seeing that you are surviving helps me believe that I got this. Thank you so much for the comment. And even tho this is a lil off topic…the whole reason I first clicked on your blog was cuz it said “goblue” I am from Michigan – then upon reading I unfortunately related but still… 🙂

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      • We all wade through the water at different rates, but keep moving forward, it will get easier — not necessarily better, but easier. And its still hard for me to not immediately want to shout GO BLUE when I see that maize and blue. At one time I was going to give M the blog link but it wasnt meant to be.

        Liked by 1 person

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