4 Years After Betrayal

Crazy to think that I started this blog 4 years ago. Seems like a really long time ago since my husband did what he did. Altho, some days it feels like yesterday – ahh – nahhh- not really… It feels like it has been years. The first two years were just utterly painful. Then it pretty much got easier and easier for the most part. Thankfully! …Cant say time heels all wounds but with time, we have done so much work on our relationship and our communication that the wounds are just scars at this point. As with a scar, if you keep picking at it, it wont heal. It will continue to re-open and it will bleed again. So there it is, I dont pick at it – ever! I have finally gotten to the point where we don’t talk about the affair anymore. I don’t even throw one-liner jabs at him anymore. The triggers are barely even there or when they do pop in my head, they are there and gone before I even sit and deeply think on them anymore. I don’t want to be reminded of any of it so why speak upon it or think about it. In order to get it out of my life, I had to let it go! I do still read some blogs on affairs and infidelity. I think this is just my comfort zone where I know people have gone through the same shit as me, if not worse, and I have made a few blogging-buds but I dont visit the blogs to re-open my past what so ever.

4 years later and I come in peace!

I will never understand why he betrayed me. I will never like his answers. I don’t think I will ever fully forgive him but it has been 4 years and he has shown me that he IS the man I married for many good reasons, more reasons then bad (yes, the bad ones almost literally killed me) but he really isnt that terrible man that he was being for several years.  I do believe he chose to make mistakes over and over yet I do believe that he is terribly sorry for them. There is no need to beat him up or he beat himself up for it anymore. I trust him again. Its not blind trust, like where I would have bet the Dow-Jones that he would never do that to me, but I dont check his phone or even worry about it anymore. When he was messing up back then, there were signs that I just didnt want to believe. If I ever  had any questioning at this point, I will go with my gut, not his words. With that said, he never gives me a reason to even question what he is up to so we are all good.

4 years since my husbands trashy-ass infidelity and we are finally…

…Happily Ever After ❤

 

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Boy Bye!

Something out of the norm happened yesterday afternoon, which brings me here today…

Its been over 3 years since the discovery of my husband having an affair.

Yes, we are still together. I have stood by his side through thick and thin. We are way passed the trauma of it all, yet, dont get me wrong, I have some ill-feelings towards it all that I dont think will ever go away, its something I continue to work on. I just dont let it eat me alive anymore. As for my husband, I really think he doesnt go there in his mind at all, like, lets not ever bring it up.

Anyhow, we truly are in a happy place. I am even expecting another child with this man. Yup, we are having our third baby – coming February 2018.

So, to get to the point. Yesterday, on my way home from work, I ran into Crusty (the chump who joined in with his scuzzy slut and they would all have threesomes with my husband). In all fairness, the couple times they did it all together he thought that was all that was going on, was him, her and my husband doing their disgustingness. So when I pointed out that she was also continuing an affair with my husband behind his back as well, it was new news to him in a sense. Anyways, I have not ran into Crusty since I found all this trash out in 2014. So yesterday,  he saw me at the gas station. He smiled and said whats up. HUH??? Like wtf? Like we cool….um….did I miss something??!!!! I have imagined if I ran into him all the ratchet shit I would spit at him. It didnt go down like that tho. I just looked at him with a cricked, disgusted half smile and raised my eye brows.. He put his head down as if kinda ashamed of my response. …Keep it moving!

After, I hollered at a couple of my friends who know of the affair and let it be known I had just ran into him and that he had the audacity to act as tho we was cool. I got two completely different responses. One was like ” wtf! Why would he think he could even try and approach you as if you were all good” and the other said “well, you have stood by your husbands side. Its time you get over it and maybe be friendly back”.

….I get that I dont need to cause a scene and go all ratchet on his ass anymore but be friendly…oh hell naw! And altho his whore was betraying him as well, he also played a huge part in it by joining them. The pain they all caused to my world will never be forgotten. Yes, I have stuck by my husbands side. He was worth it to me to try and fix his wrong doings.  Crusty and Scuz will never get a second chance with my friendship. They are irrelevant, non-mother fucking factors to my life and just because it has been years since all that shit doesnt mean my feelings towards them have changed what so ever!!

“If I see you and I dont speak, that means I dont fuck with you” 100!!!

2/3

My goodness gracious where has the time gone?..

My last post was a year ago, well besides one time in December I dropped a couple lines bout some whack shit but for the most part, year 2-3 was going to be when I “let it go”. Shoot, I was gonna MAKE myself move on so I quit writing about my husbands affair (although I would still read all your blogs)  I was no longer going to talk about it, I refused to live it any longer. Out of sight, out of mind.

Year 2, I truly just hoped for clarity. I just couldn’t decide if I should stay in my marriage or leave. At that time, I really thought it would be best if we separated. The damage he had caused me and our family was just too much. I wanted out. I was full on, all about it, then … my husband had a heart attach. Not something a 32 year old would normally go through.  I swore if my husband had any more health issues, I would not stand by his side because when he went through cancer in 2011, I basically wiped his ass and got repaid back by him fucking a scabby whore (who was also posed to be my “friend” so talk about a double whammy). So, in October, when he had a double heart attack and died on the table, my whole world spun out of control – again. Like wtf! There I was faced with standing my ground, being selfish and continuing distancing myself, which essentially was kicking the man while he was down or sucking it up, taking a huge risk and be there for him (which was extremely scary cuz what if I stood by his side and he did me wrong again?) …EEK!

Well, I just couldnt do it – I couldnt leave him like that. First of all, even though I was going to leave him, it wasnt that I didnt love him, I just couldnt get passed what he had done. I didnt feel safe. Come on now, he cheated on me (to put it mildly)….

From October 2016 to now I have watched such a significant change in this man. He beat cancer in 2011 and now he has heart disease from the chemo at age 32.  This is a man who likes to party and eats unhealthy. Well we all know that that will get you 6 feet under with heart disease.  He has had to make huge changes. Without so much partying we have reunited, reconnected, even though we had already somewhat done that the couple years before (hysterical bonding), it was much more deep now. He really loved me again and showed/shows it in every way he possibly could/can. He loved/loves being a family man again. He is such a good husband and dad now. He is present and wants nothing more then for our lil fam to roll as a unit. At this time, I really couldnt ask for more…

Year 3. Here we are. I just cant believe the craziness of my life when I look back 3 years ago to now. Holy hell. What I can say in regards to my healing process is I am definitely in a better place. Way better then year one and improved a ton from year 2. I think about how I felt and who I was 3 years ago and even before I found out he had cheated on me, I was all high on life and my marriage -yeah,  that shits dead. I am so not that person anymore. Nope. I do miss her at times tho cuz she believed in people and was such a positive naive, fun loving little lady, not that I am not those things anymore, I am just a little more guarded. When I revisit myself after his infidelity in 2014 to now, it feels good to say – I AM NO LONGER BROKEN!. I am no longer bitter, I am truly better. The aftermath of his infidelities still linger, I mean occasionally I will have a trigger but I have maybe only brought it up two times in the past year – thats dam good. And when I do get a trigger, I no longer allow it to control me or my emotions. Its a nasty thought that I quickly push away. Scuz and Crusty and the shit they did with my “other” husband (lol) are non mother fucking factors. They are the past that I dont like to be reminded of, nor does my husband. I literally have compartmentalized them in the trash bin (now hows that for compartmentalizing) 😀 I am a bad bitch (took me a while to say that and mean it again)  and if my husband doesnt want to be apart of me, so fuckin be it, then I dont want him to be apart of me either. He knows this and unfortunately he still cowards his head down constantly knowing he had forgotten who the fuck I am. Its a privilege to be in my life and apart of me, your either wit it or against it..choose wisely…

So, as you can read, I am still married to my man even after he went dumpster diving. I dont, I mean, I CANT brag that he is  my lover for life…oh hell no, I cant predict the future…but I am happy to say,  he is here for now….

Blast Off??

You can search anyone now and days and pretty much find some-sort of info on an individual. Shoot – I even have a nice lil mug-shot online after blasting the scuzzy homewrecking whore with a soda. LOL snicker- snort 😀

…I cant help but wonder tho…

Should I??

Should I put the scuzz bucket on shesahomewrecker.com??

People should know right? People should know that this slut has no morals, shes missing integrity. That she will make you feel sorry for her and her kids.  Will tell you how much she is your best friend and how much she is there for you…as she is sucking your husbands dick and trying to be you. Jealous much? ;P  She reeks of deceit and alcohol induced b.o.  She filters and edits her pics to make her look like something that she really isn’t. – then sends them to anyone and everyone who will give her attention.  Its like – here is a piece of shit, lets spray it with some perfume- might smell a touch better, but ..still shit…right 😛

The trash recently had the bar she works at raise money for her car window that was broken (I told you a couple posts back that she drives a real hunk-of-junk – fits right for a junky person tho). Anyways – People actually donated to the cause but would they have if they REALLY knew what they were donating to??

This is a low life who not only sleeps with married men but who has made a life-style out of getting assistance from the state. Who drinks and drugs every weekend. When she couldn’t get enough cash together, she would sell her foodstamps for a bottle or a bag. But the pitiful bitch cant fix her car window cuz she is too broke…? …

Should I inform people and put the worthless bitch on blast or should I just sit back and smile as she gets treated like the sad charity case that she is?….

Either way – I kinda get the last laugh…

 

 

 

Keep it 100

4

Have you ever just sat there and listened to someone who is absolutely full of shit? You know that what they are saying is fabricated and far fetched or just an all out made up lie and yet, you just sit there, pretending to listen, but uncontrollably thinking … BULLSHIT! (cough cough)

Liars have diarrhea of the mouth LOL.

Truth be told, lies big or small, are still lies. For every good reason to lie, there is an even better reason to tell the truth. Yes, truth hurts but lies hurt worse. And for the person telling the lies, what? Are you such a coward that YOU can’t handle the truth!?

I take pride in honesty. Sometimes I am bluntly honest so I could probably work on the presence of how I drop the bomb, but at least the truth will always come out of my mouth. Yes, there are certain circumstances where I must “fib” and I use “fib’ cautiously because a fib is a form of a lie, so to say. But, when my kids want to know how babies are made, I obviously beat around the bush a little. That would be a “fib” and appropriately so.

Now that I know my husband can be such a liar, I have a hard time giving him my undivided attention when he is just generally speaking or even if he is speaking from the heart. That attention where with out a doubt I am “all ears” and 100% into the conversation because its real, sincere, and I feel what he is saying because it’s genuine. HA,  ya right! I actually find myself rolling my eyes at times. It’s fucked up too. When he spoke, it usually meant something or to me it did anyways. I loved to listen to him because I used to believe most everything he said. Obviously, when I was questioning the affair and there were apparent signs, that’s how he convinced me he wasn’t doing what I was accusing him of, because he knew I believed him. He had never been a liar before and actually, he always said he despised thieves and liars so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed he was better then that and that our relationship meant more and was stonger. Should have trusted my instincts, intuition doesn’t lie!

And I’m not Rihanna, I don’t love the way you lie!

Once you have established yourself as a liar, it’s near impossible for people to believe any words coming out of your mouth. Your words no longer have any value. Everyone knows of the story of the boy who cried wolf..

Say what you mean and mean what you say!

At times, I think a liar lies so much, they even believe their own stupidity.

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The truth doesn’t cost anything, but a lie can cost you everything!!

Don’t lie, cheat, beg, or steal… have some fucking pride!!

Keep it real!!!!