The End

 

High five bud! WE are fucking awesome!

We have weathered storms.

Created superstars

Fought crock-a- dillies ūüėõ

Moved Mountains

Been to hell and back…

Our journey has been real! (for the most part) – on my behalf it was 100!

WE have put on quite a show, but now the curtains closing

I know I am no longer treating you right – u deserve better and so do I. I don’t even like how I treat you anymore – even if it is a reaction to an action.

I have way too much love and respect in my heart for you, for us, for our family

I refuse to go out like that. I refuse to go down in flames.

Lets go out with some pride and dignity.

Lets be that couple who doesn’t end in hatred. We end with love.

Please lets do this nicely. Proudly. With our heads held high. We failed at marriage but lets not fail as parents. This is going to be the hardest on them. I just want to slowly part ways without just throwing it in their faces. We have 10+ years with each other. There is a lot to sort out. No need for hostility. Do your part as a father and I will do mine as a mother – no need to even involve courts – that is not my motive.

WE should actually be very proud of ourselves.

Who would have ever thought we would make it as long as we did??…

When we first got together – we were just kids.

You, my dear husband are my favorite mistake and most definitely my hardest goodbye!

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As you all can see… I have decided to walk away from my marriage. His infidelity played a huge roll in my decision, but it wasn’t all of it. Before his disgustingness came out, we had problems. I thought they were just everyday life problems, problems that I could handle and that we would always move forward from.¬†but now, now that I have had to dissect every thing, I no longer see the rest of my life with him. The little problems, on top of infidelity is just too much for me to live with. I mean I could live with it but I don’t think I will ever feel “ful-filled” I will feel like I am just settling. Cheating to me always was a deal breaker. I tried to work through it, excuse it, forgive it, whatever… in the end… it was still my deal breaker…

I don’t know how to say any of this to my husband. I know he is going to make this hell on me.¬† I don’t want to go into great depths about our shortcomings or anything like that. I don’t want to cry about any of it anymore. I¬†just want to get it over with. But why -Why does it have to be so hard to say goodbye!!???? Is this too much to ask ??

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Deuce -s

When dealing with infidelity in a marriage – the 2 year mark is posed to be some magical number when recovery is at its finest…

When I decided to try and forgive and to try and stay in my marriage after my husband went dumpster diving РI honestly had no idea what I was up against! I just knew I had to beat the odds against us. Altho he made us a statistic by cheating, I was going to make us kick that statistic in the ass by being the couple that would survive infidelity.

They say – don’t act irrationally. Give it time, give it time.¬† –¬†So I did. So I have.¬†I have had so much time to think about the reality of it all, every. little. thing. that was said and done during his years of cheating on me.¬†and how much deceiving took place and how much work it had to be to accomplish the types of sins that he did. I used to cry. Uncontrollably.¬†At the thought of any of this.¬†Thinking about my family being broken because¬†some thirsty slut and my weak husband would bring me to my knees.¬†My heart was sooo broken.

The whole first year after D-day was so painful. I really cant even put in to words how excruciating it was.( if you are a b.s –¬†you already know)¬†However, I lived and my marriage has survived 2 years later…

We are doing so much better now and my husband continues to do everything he should.

I love him. I have lots of love for him. And I am so thankful he got his head out of his ass and stayed with me through all the shit he caused instead of running away  and staying gone because he had fucked up so terribly and  because he did not know how to fix it.

But¬†this is where things get a lil twisted…

I have yet to fully recover.

I am a changed person – yet how can I not be.

People are human and people¬†make mistakes.¬†However, in our situation – the truth didn’t come out because he felt bad and knew what he had done was a mistake. Oh hell no. And even when I did have undeniable truth,¬†the truth still¬†trickled out for an entire year.¬†He made me literally beg for every answer and¬†even beg for him to stay. I think this has put a huge block in my recovery because I feel as tho he was basically forced with telling the truth and stopping what he was engaging in instead of the truth¬†coming out of the goodness of his heart. The depth of all¬†his betrayal still has me fucked up.

I still do not have any forgiveness for my husband. None at all. I do not look at him the same. His words are not as valued. I no longer feel as tho I can commit myself 100% to the man¬†who showed me no loyalty. I don’t feel secure that he will always have me in his best interest. I don’t think I will ever feel that security from him again. However, with all that said¬†¬†I do¬†¬†still see a wonderful man, he truly is. I will always love him. Yet, I no longer love him whole heartedly.

Two years later…

I can honestly say tho that I am glad I waited instead of running far away or to the courthouse.

It gave me time to get stronger.

It gave me time to still see and feel that love for my husband who I had thought was a monster for doing me so wrong.

It gave me time to get my confidence back.

It also gave me time to finally believe that his affair really had nothing to do with me. That it truly wasnt my fault at all. It seriously took me the whole two years to say that and to really mean it.

2 years later…

The teetering question of “do I stay” or “do I go” has finally become clear.

I-Spy

After¬†discovery of such betrayal, I seriously went all “Harriet the Spy”. I went through years of cell phones bills, re-read years of text messaging, got on my husbands computer and went through everything possible on his hard-drive, email accounts, and social media. I discovered what key-loggers are, how to install apps on cell phones to track phone calls, text messages, GPS, pictures, anything and everything. I slept with one eye open. I had eyes on the back of my head LOL. I was on a mission, a mission to put the puzzle pieces together to conclude how I was such a fool and to make sure that I would NEVER be played the fool again.

It has now been 10 months since I first found out about my husbands affair. I am absolutely positive he has never communicated with the skank again. He doesn’t game or communicate with her fat-fuck of a boyfriend either. He isn’t continuously¬†searching porn or anything I disapprove of. And when he says he is going somewhere, he is doing just that. It feels good to know that my husband is still capable of honesty, but, I have been comforted by the reassurance of being able to check¬†up on his every move, if I felt the need to.

Obviously, trust is a huge issue after someone fucks around on you, but if you are never willing to try and trust that person again, to give them trust, how are they ever going to prove that they are or can be trust worthy ever again?

With that said, how long is too long to have the betrayer be an open book and for the betrayed to be checking their every move???

For me, I have decided it is that time. It has basically been a year and as scary as it is, I feel it is time to try and somewhat allow my husband to prove he is or still can be trust worthy (without my back-up resources). I know that whenever, or if ever I start to feel that doubt, I will listen to my intuition, instead of ever questioning myself again. And if that time ever comes, where I am questioning my husband, I now know of resources to verify my suspicions and I will handle things accordingly.

I guess knowledge is power.

I never wanted to know so much about the secrets of affairs. Nor did I ever want to learn how to catch a cheater…

But I know now!

and

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I’m a Lover, Not a Fighter

…but don’t get it twisted…

I can be a lover, a hater, a fighter, a player (but that just aint my style). I’m a¬†down ass¬†bitch with a pretty lil smile ūüėČ

You should never underestimate a small town girl, living in a lonely world. HA.¬†A women with a broken heart is not to be taken as a joke. And I am¬†so¬†not the type of female to sit back and just¬†take it. Hell nah! You wanna dare to step into my kitchen, best be able to handle the heat! Fucking with my husband, my family, my life… trust me… someone better pray for you!!

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Unlike a lot of you betrayed wives…I am the one who did confront the whore who was a fake ass friend to my face while she was fucking my husband behind my back. When I first found the message asking my husband if he wanted to fuck, I drove to her home and confronted the slut like a real woman does – face to face. I put the fear of death in her. I didn’t know the whole truth then though, otherwise there would have been no threatening, I would have just kicked her fucking face in. Then, a couple weeks later, my husband sat me down and told me how long and what had been really going on. Sure as shit, a couple weeks after that, I was driving home from work and the scab pulls up next to me. Our windows were both down so I made sure to give her a piece of my mind. Then, I took a big gulp soda and I threw it out my window and I blasted her directly in the face with it. The soda exploded all over her.¬†That pitiful, home-wrecking bitch was about to cry. PRICELESS!!!

My heart was broken. My pride and dignity was stomped on. I had been chewed up and spit out by someone who I would have gave my own life for and by a dirty, double Рpenetrated, worthless skank.. Karma is a bitch, but this bitch is ruthless! And although, I knew I was breaking the law when I threw that soda, there was no stopping me at that point, I was gonna hurt that filthy whore!

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And of course, even though she knew she deserved it and had it coming…¬†being the weak, low life that she is¬†–¬† she called the cops on me. I did get charged with assault and battery. I went to court, had to pay a $400 dollar fine and I had to do community service for 8 hours.

Did I learn my lesson? .. Nah – I would do it again! That was just one expensive soda LOL.

I have no remorse and I am definitely not sorry!

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Keep it 100

4

Have you ever just sat there and listened to someone who is absolutely full of shit? You know that what they are saying is fabricated and far fetched or just an all out made up lie and yet, you just sit there, pretending to listen, but uncontrollably thinking … BULLSHIT! (cough cough)

Liars have diarrhea of the mouth LOL.

Truth be told, lies big or small, are still lies. For every good reason to lie, there is an even¬†better reason to tell the truth. Yes, truth hurts but lies hurt worse. And for the person telling the lies, what? Are you such a coward that¬†YOU can’t handle the truth!?

I take pride in honesty. Sometimes I am bluntly honest so I could probably work on the presence of how¬†I drop the bomb, but at least the truth will always come out of my mouth.¬†Yes, there are certain circumstances where I must “fib” and I use “fib’ cautiously because a fib is a form of a lie, so to say. But, when my kids want to know how babies are made, I obviously beat around the bush a little. That would be a “fib” and appropriately so.

Now that I know my husband can be such a liar, I have a hard time giving him my undivided attention when he is just generally speaking or even if he is speaking from the heart. That attention where with out a doubt I am “all ears” and 100% into the conversation because its real, sincere,¬†and I feel what he is saying because it’s genuine. HA, ¬†ya right! I actually find myself rolling my eyes at times. It’s fucked up too.¬†When he spoke, it usually meant something or to me it did anyways.¬†I loved to listen to him¬†because I used to believe most everything he said. Obviously, when I was questioning the affair and there were apparent signs, that’s how he convinced me he wasn’t doing what I was accusing him of, because he knew I believed him. He had never been a liar before and actually, he always said he despised thieves and liars so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and¬†believed¬†he was better then that and that our relationship meant more and was stonger. Should have trusted my instincts, intuition doesn’t lie!

And I’m not Rihanna, I don’t love the way you lie!

Once you have established yourself as a liar, it’s near impossible for people to believe any words coming out of your mouth.¬†Your words no longer have any value. Everyone knows of the story of the boy who cried wolf..

Say what you mean and mean what you say!

At times, I think a liar lies so much, they even believe their own stupidity.

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The truth doesn’t cost anything, but a lie can cost you everything!!

Don’t lie, cheat, beg, or steal… have some fucking pride!!

Keep it real!!!!