4 Years After Betrayal

Crazy to think that I started this blog 4 years ago. Seems like a really long time ago since my husband did what he did. Altho, some days it feels like yesterday – ahh – nahhh- not really… It feels like it has been years. The first two years were just utterly painful. Then it pretty much got easier and easier for the most part. Thankfully! …Cant say time heels all wounds but with time, we have done so much work on our relationship and our communication that the wounds are just scars at this point. As with a scar, if you keep picking at it, it wont heal. It will continue to re-open and it will bleed again. So there it is, I dont pick at it – ever! I have finally gotten to the point where we don’t talk about the affair anymore. I don’t even throw one-liner jabs at him anymore. The triggers are barely even there or when they do pop in my head, they are there and gone before I even sit and deeply think on them anymore. I don’t want to be reminded of any of it so why speak upon it or think about it. In order to get it out of my life, I had to let it go! I do still read some blogs on affairs and infidelity. I think this is just my comfort zone where I know people have gone through the same shit as me, if not worse, and I have made a few blogging-buds but I dont visit the blogs to re-open my past what so ever.

4 years later and I come in peace!

I will never understand why he betrayed me. I will never like his answers. I don’t think I will ever fully forgive him but it has been 4 years and he has shown me that he IS the man I married for many good reasons, more reasons then bad (yes, the bad ones almost literally killed me) but he really isnt that terrible man that he was being for several years.  I do believe he chose to make mistakes over and over yet I do believe that he is terribly sorry for them. There is no need to beat him up or he beat himself up for it anymore. I trust him again. Its not blind trust, like where I would have bet the Dow-Jones that he would never do that to me, but I dont check his phone or even worry about it anymore. When he was messing up back then, there were signs that I just didnt want to believe. If I ever  had any questioning at this point, I will go with my gut, not his words. With that said, he never gives me a reason to even question what he is up to so we are all good.

4 years since my husbands trashy-ass infidelity and we are finally…

…Happily Ever After ❤

 

Boy Bye!

Something out of the norm happened yesterday afternoon, which brings me here today…

Its been over 3 years since the discovery of my husband having an affair.

Yes, we are still together. I have stood by his side through thick and thin. We are way passed the trauma of it all, yet, dont get me wrong, I have some ill-feelings towards it all that I dont think will ever go away, its something I continue to work on. I just dont let it eat me alive anymore. As for my husband, I really think he doesnt go there in his mind at all, like, lets not ever bring it up.

Anyhow, we truly are in a happy place. I am even expecting another child with this man. Yup, we are having our third baby – coming February 2018.

So, to get to the point. Yesterday, on my way home from work, I ran into Crusty (the chump who joined in with his scuzzy slut and they would all have threesomes with my husband). In all fairness, the couple times they did it all together he thought that was all that was going on, was him, her and my husband doing their disgustingness. So when I pointed out that she was also continuing an affair with my husband behind his back as well, it was new news to him in a sense. Anyways, I have not ran into Crusty since I found all this trash out in 2014. So yesterday,  he saw me at the gas station. He smiled and said whats up. HUH??? Like wtf? Like we cool….um….did I miss something??!!!! I have imagined if I ran into him all the ratchet shit I would spit at him. It didnt go down like that tho. I just looked at him with a cricked, disgusted half smile and raised my eye brows.. He put his head down as if kinda ashamed of my response. …Keep it moving!

After, I hollered at a couple of my friends who know of the affair and let it be known I had just ran into him and that he had the audacity to act as tho we was cool. I got two completely different responses. One was like ” wtf! Why would he think he could even try and approach you as if you were all good” and the other said “well, you have stood by your husbands side. Its time you get over it and maybe be friendly back”.

….I get that I dont need to cause a scene and go all ratchet on his ass anymore but be friendly…oh hell naw! And altho his whore was betraying him as well, he also played a huge part in it by joining them. The pain they all caused to my world will never be forgotten. Yes, I have stuck by my husbands side. He was worth it to me to try and fix his wrong doings.  Crusty and Scuz will never get a second chance with my friendship. They are irrelevant, non-mother fucking factors to my life and just because it has been years since all that shit doesnt mean my feelings towards them have changed what so ever!!

“If I see you and I dont speak, that means I dont fuck with you” 100!!!

The End

 

High five bud! WE are fucking awesome!

We have weathered storms.

Created superstars

Fought crock-a- dillies 😛

Moved Mountains

Been to hell and back…

Our journey has been real! (for the most part) – on my behalf it was 100!

WE have put on quite a show, but now the curtains closing

I know I am no longer treating you right – u deserve better and so do I. I don’t even like how I treat you anymore – even if it is a reaction to an action.

I have way too much love and respect in my heart for you, for us, for our family

I refuse to go out like that. I refuse to go down in flames.

Lets go out with some pride and dignity.

Lets be that couple who doesn’t end in hatred. We end with love.

Please lets do this nicely. Proudly. With our heads held high. We failed at marriage but lets not fail as parents. This is going to be the hardest on them. I just want to slowly part ways without just throwing it in their faces. We have 10+ years with each other. There is a lot to sort out. No need for hostility. Do your part as a father and I will do mine as a mother – no need to even involve courts – that is not my motive.

WE should actually be very proud of ourselves.

Who would have ever thought we would make it as long as we did??…

When we first got together – we were just kids.

You, my dear husband are my favorite mistake and most definitely my hardest goodbye!

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As you all can see… I have decided to walk away from my marriage. His infidelity played a huge roll in my decision, but it wasn’t all of it. Before his disgustingness came out, we had problems. I thought they were just everyday life problems, problems that I could handle and that we would always move forward from. but now, now that I have had to dissect every thing, I no longer see the rest of my life with him. The little problems, on top of infidelity is just too much for me to live with. I mean I could live with it but I don’t think I will ever feel “ful-filled” I will feel like I am just settling. Cheating to me always was a deal breaker. I tried to work through it, excuse it, forgive it, whatever… in the end… it was still my deal breaker…

I don’t know how to say any of this to my husband. I know he is going to make this hell on me.  I don’t want to go into great depths about our shortcomings or anything like that. I don’t want to cry about any of it anymore. I just want to get it over with. But why -Why does it have to be so hard to say goodbye!!???? Is this too much to ask ??

Turn The Page

I can finally say… I feel as though I am moving on..

It only took nine months. LOL – I laugh out loud – not because its funny what-so-ever but because it has only taken nine months. Nine months seemed like eternity and it was so very painful. I know I  am not completely through the fucked up mess of emotions but at least I am  starting to see “clearing”. Its like when you have a project of some-sort that you know is going to take a whole grip of time to complete, so you procrastinate even starting. Then, once you start doing it, it takes a while but you start to see progress. It feels good.. and I am feeling better.

Don’t get me wrong, if I have too much time on my hands, where I am alone, and I start to think about the disgusting, tasteless details of his affair, its like my mind won’t let it be just a passing thought. I will sit and obsess over it until it  hurts so bad that I am in tears and oh-so angry as if it just happened. So, I really try not to go there in my mind. Of course, I still have my moments when something is said and the light flashes in my brain or the bell dings, but I may think of that horrible trigger for a hot second then I try to do something that quickly changes my train of thought.

I’m not perfect and I know that I will take two steps forwards and three steps back – occasionally. But as long as I am seeing and feeling progress in regards to myself, my heart.. then I will embrace the baby steps.

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..can’t say never but at least its not often

My husband damaged an innocent soul for some foul play. I know he will never fully understand the amount of pain he inflicted on me. He could never understand that type of pain unless it happened to him, and I am just not that type of person. However, he is being so wonderful now that I know I need to recognize and encourage his behavior because it is important that it doesn’t go unnoticed and / or unannounced. He is being a good husband NOW.

Everything about being betrayed by your lifetime lover and the intense pain it causes is the worst feeling ever!

Letting it go and trying to reconcile with the betrayer is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I pray that I never have to feel such heartache again.

But for now.. I am trying my hardest to stay focused on what I have, not what has happened and what I have lost.

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Keep calm and carry on!

Don’t Worry, Be Happy :)

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Remember: people only rain on your parade because they are jealous of your sun and tired of their shade.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. A sign of weakness. A sign of obsession…

I know my life is good, even at its worst, its still good. And compared to that trailer trash who fucked my husband or compared to any of you other betrayed woman out there who some cheap whore tried to take your man  (but hopefully didn’t succeed)…remember just that…that worthless slut is glowing green with envy!!

You want what you can’t have..Well bitch, that’s too damn bad!!

A sick individual who is willing and ready to invade another’s privacy, overstep boundaries and intrude on a stranger, a family, or even worse,  a “friends” personal life … is not worthy of real love and true happiness!!!

Happiness is something you create.  It is not ready made, it comes from your own actions. Happiness is not something you have in your hands, its something you carry in your heart. Not something you can steal!! (God will get you for trying to do that! ) Nice try though dumb sluts!

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My happiness will always be my own treasure because it lies within me. . and yes, be jealous, be very jealous!

TRUE CONFIDENCE HAS NO ROOM FOR JEALOUSY! WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE GREAT, THERE IS NO NEED TO HATE!!!!!!!

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