Boy Bye!

Something out of the norm happened yesterday afternoon, which brings me here today…

Its been over 3 years since the discovery of my husband having an affair.

Yes, we are still together. I have stood by his side through thick and thin. We are way passed the trauma of it all, yet, dont get me wrong, I have some ill-feelings towards it all that I dont think will ever go away, its something I continue to work on. I just dont let it eat me alive anymore. As for my husband, I really think he doesnt go there in his mind at all, like, lets not ever bring it up.

Anyhow, we truly are in a happy place. I am even expecting another child with this man. Yup, we are having our third baby – coming February 2018.

So, to get to the point. Yesterday, on my way home from work, I ran into Crusty (the chump who joined in with his scuzzy slut and they would all have threesomes with my husband). In all fairness, the couple times they did it all together he thought that was all that was going on, was him, her and my husband doing their disgustingness. So when I pointed out that she was also continuing an affair with my husband behind his back as well, it was new news to him in a sense. Anyways, I have not ran into Crusty since I found all this trash out in 2014. So yesterday,  he saw me at the gas station. He smiled and said whats up. HUH??? Like wtf? Like we cool….um….did I miss something??!!!! I have imagined if I ran into him all the ratchet shit I would spit at him. It didnt go down like that tho. I just looked at him with a cricked, disgusted half smile and raised my eye brows.. He put his head down as if kinda ashamed of my response. …Keep it moving!

After, I hollered at a couple of my friends who know of the affair and let it be known I had just ran into him and that he had the audacity to act as tho we was cool. I got two completely different responses. One was like ” wtf! Why would he think he could even try and approach you as if you were all good” and the other said “well, you have stood by your husbands side. Its time you get over it and maybe be friendly back”.

….I get that I dont need to cause a scene and go all ratchet on his ass anymore but be friendly…oh hell naw! And altho his whore was betraying him as well, he also played a huge part in it by joining them. The pain they all caused to my world will never be forgotten. Yes, I have stuck by my husbands side. He was worth it to me to try and fix his wrong doings.  Crusty and Scuz will never get a second chance with my friendship. They are irrelevant, non-mother fucking factors to my life and just because it has been years since all that shit doesnt mean my feelings towards them have changed what so ever!!

“If I see you and I dont speak, that means I dont fuck with you” 100!!!

Inhale. Exhale

I am so tired of trying to make our marriage work. Trying to make our marriage better. Trying to change some of my ways. Trying to understand or figure out my husband, his needs, and our “new” marriage. And more or less, trying to forgive his selfish, tasteless affair.

I just don’t want to care anymore. And really, I think I may just not!

We have both came so far since finding out my husband had been cheating on me. However…this marriage is just sooo much work. Too much work if you ask me. I mean, before knowing that he had betrayed me, I would have put as much work as I needed to in order to make our marriage happy. But, I was not even given that chance before he stepped out (in reality, I didn’t even know he was unhappy – truth is – cuz he wasn’t). And now, the everyday problems that we do have on top of knowing that he is “one of those” (a cheater) … working on being a better him, a better me, and an even better us…is exhausting!!

Its kinda messed up but I am pretty much sure my husband is feeling the same way. Of course, he doesn’t just come out and say it but I sense it in his actions. Which we all know, when it comes to a cheater, their actions speak louder than their words because they are cowards and don’t really say how they feel.

My goal was to make it at least two years since D-day, then I would either re-commit to my marriage or exit myself to the left. Right now, I am just hoping to make it through the holidays.

I havent given up quite yet and I hope I never do…

…but the holidays are so overwhelming and so is marriage after betrayal …

..just breathe!…

You got this T!

 

 

 

Happy – Go – Lucky

Ok – so … Christmas sure was exceptionally nice!!

“Exceptionally” – I don’t know why I say that because in all actuality, my holidays are generally good.

I don’t need to have a faithful husband, shoot, I don’t need to have a husband at all to enjoy life. Specially when it comes to having fun with my kids… it comes natural to smile with them. My kids are one of my main source of happiness.

Yes, of course, my husband was a source of happiness to me as well. And I guess he still is in a way, however, I can see clearly now the rain is gone 😛

As I am forced to analyze our relationship, I totally get that I combined our feelings. I thought they went hand-in-hand. When he was sad, I felt kinda sad. When he was happy – it made my heart happy.  I recognize now, my happiness, really has nothing to do with him. Momentarily – yes.  Infinitively –  not what so fucking ever.

Its all me baby!

I know I will be happy with or without him or any man, no matter what situation I am dealt with because I always make the best out of whatever I have. That’s why people are always jealous of me or knocking me off – because even if what I have really isn’t anything special, I make it THE SHIT!!!

Like a boss 😉

Keep it 100

4

Have you ever just sat there and listened to someone who is absolutely full of shit? You know that what they are saying is fabricated and far fetched or just an all out made up lie and yet, you just sit there, pretending to listen, but uncontrollably thinking … BULLSHIT! (cough cough)

Liars have diarrhea of the mouth LOL.

Truth be told, lies big or small, are still lies. For every good reason to lie, there is an even better reason to tell the truth. Yes, truth hurts but lies hurt worse. And for the person telling the lies, what? Are you such a coward that YOU can’t handle the truth!?

I take pride in honesty. Sometimes I am bluntly honest so I could probably work on the presence of how I drop the bomb, but at least the truth will always come out of my mouth. Yes, there are certain circumstances where I must “fib” and I use “fib’ cautiously because a fib is a form of a lie, so to say. But, when my kids want to know how babies are made, I obviously beat around the bush a little. That would be a “fib” and appropriately so.

Now that I know my husband can be such a liar, I have a hard time giving him my undivided attention when he is just generally speaking or even if he is speaking from the heart. That attention where with out a doubt I am “all ears” and 100% into the conversation because its real, sincere, and I feel what he is saying because it’s genuine. HA,  ya right! I actually find myself rolling my eyes at times. It’s fucked up too. When he spoke, it usually meant something or to me it did anyways. I loved to listen to him because I used to believe most everything he said. Obviously, when I was questioning the affair and there were apparent signs, that’s how he convinced me he wasn’t doing what I was accusing him of, because he knew I believed him. He had never been a liar before and actually, he always said he despised thieves and liars so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed he was better then that and that our relationship meant more and was stonger. Should have trusted my instincts, intuition doesn’t lie!

And I’m not Rihanna, I don’t love the way you lie!

Once you have established yourself as a liar, it’s near impossible for people to believe any words coming out of your mouth. Your words no longer have any value. Everyone knows of the story of the boy who cried wolf..

Say what you mean and mean what you say!

At times, I think a liar lies so much, they even believe their own stupidity.

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The truth doesn’t cost anything, but a lie can cost you everything!!

Don’t lie, cheat, beg, or steal… have some fucking pride!!

Keep it real!!!!