Lately, I have been in a funk..
The smelly aftermath of infidelity funk.
16 months later and I am still feeling funky. I shake it off for the most part, but it is only temporarily. Every few days or so and there it is again – this funkiness…
The “eff you” and “eff this” funk, I’ve learned to handle this. When something “triggers” my memory and I think funk you, funk you, your cool …Im out funk. LOL This funk comes and goes daily. But at least the funk is here and gone in a quickness cuz I cant stay in the “funk the world” mood for long cuz being a bitter bitch sucks!
However, the should I stay or should I go funk. The constant limbo.This one has really been getting to me. I can honestly say I just don’t know what I want anymore. I wanted to be with my man for the rest of my life, but now that he has betrayed me, I am not sure how I feel about being with him for foreverrrrr. Sounds way too long, if heartbreak is involved anyways….My husband and I are both 31 years old and for infidelity to have already taken place so early on, I cant help but question if my husband has it in him to stay monogamous in the future. Now I’m not saying he is going to go cheat on me right away but to say he will remain faithful to me for another 10, 20, 30 + years … sounds too good to be true or at least questionable and I just don’t think I can be that vulnerable again, with him especially, beings as he hurt me more than anyone could have. I just don’t know…
WHAT THE FUNK!!?
I have given myself a deadline. Yes, 2 years from D-day (cuz that’s what therapists say is a good amount of time). If I have not 100%committed myself to fully staying in the marriage, if I can not find some-sort of forgiveness within me…I will exit myself to the left and no longer fake the funk!