I know that my husband is extremely sorry for all of this.
Sorry he lied.
Sorry he broke his vows.
Sorry he betrayed us.
Sorry he hurt his family.
and yes, sorry he got caught.
I truly believe him when he says it. I see it. I feel it – the remorse in his actions. He is so different now. There is a sincerity in his eyes when he looks at me that is meaningful.
…Makes me sad though…
I just don’t have that same empathy towards him.
All one really has is their “word”. And now when he speaks, there isn’t enough value for me. I hear the words that are coming out of his mouth, yet they don’t hold the same meaning to me anymore. They are just words…
I feel bad!
I don’t know how to be vulnerable again.
I mean, my husband has done pretty much everything that could be expected when it comes to repairing our marriage due to his infidelity, yet, its just not good enough. Is it ever going to be? OR is he just not good enough for me anymore??…
I don’t punish him anymore. Or so I don’t think I really do anyways. I don’t discuss it or ask details anymore. (Not even when I am drinking. Since my last post a month or so ago I have tamed thy alcohol induced mouth). Our home life is actually calm again. We are communicating very well, openly and honestly. Our sex life is two thumbs up.
What the hell more can I ask for??
Is it me? Do I not know how to “let it go”? Why can I not accept that he IS sorry and believe that this won’t happen again?
Why can I not forgive him??
At times I feel sorry for him because he is truly sorry and he is trying his hardest to fix all the damage he has done..
but then I think of it all, all what HE has done and how we wouldn’t be in the position if it wasn’t for him in the first place…
there I am
Sorry, not sorry!!