I-Spy

After discovery of such betrayal, I seriously went all “Harriet the Spy”. I went through years of cell phones bills, re-read years of text messaging, got on my husbands computer and went through everything possible on his hard-drive, email accounts, and social media. I discovered what key-loggers are, how to install apps on cell phones to track phone calls, text messages, GPS, pictures, anything and everything. I slept with one eye open. I had eyes on the back of my head LOL. I was on a mission, a mission to put the puzzle pieces together to conclude how I was such a fool and to make sure that I would NEVER be played the fool again.

It has now been 10 months since I first found out about my husbands affair. I am absolutely positive he has never communicated with the skank again. He doesn’t game or communicate with her fat-fuck of a boyfriend either. He isn’t continuously searching porn or anything I disapprove of. And when he says he is going somewhere, he is doing just that. It feels good to know that my husband is still capable of honesty, but, I have been comforted by the reassurance of being able to check up on his every move, if I felt the need to.

Obviously, trust is a huge issue after someone fucks around on you, but if you are never willing to try and trust that person again, to give them trust, how are they ever going to prove that they are or can be trust worthy ever again?

With that said, how long is too long to have the betrayer be an open book and for the betrayed to be checking their every move???

For me, I have decided it is that time. It has basically been a year and as scary as it is, I feel it is time to try and somewhat allow my husband to prove he is or still can be trust worthy (without my back-up resources). I know that whenever, or if ever I start to feel that doubt, I will listen to my intuition, instead of ever questioning myself again. And if that time ever comes, where I am questioning my husband, I now know of resources to verify my suspicions and I will handle things accordingly.

I guess knowledge is power.

I never wanted to know so much about the secrets of affairs. Nor did I ever want to learn how to catch a cheater…

But I know now!

and

h

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8 thoughts on “I-Spy

    • Verizon goes back like 18 months. The phone bills did me no good. Everything was via Facebook and as we all know, you cant retrieve deleted messages. Honestly, I wouldn’t bother trying to dig up old dirt. Whats done is done and revealing more details, seriously does no good. You know the “jist” of it, you know your husband is a liar and a cheater…yet you have chose to stay in the relationship, whether that means commit or not, that will be another choice…but at this point, don’t look back. Onwards and upwards!

      Liked by 4 people

  1. I never went through the phone records. My husband communicated through work email and his cell is paid for by his company. He did provide me access to all records, but I didn’t take him up on it. From what I read, you need a court order to read text messages in the current billing cycle so it wouldn’t have helped. I could have seen how many phone calls, how often and how long. But decided it wasnt worth my time and energy. I’m glad you are moving beyond the need to “spy”. I understand why you needed it. But you are correct. You can’t truly move forward and have a healthy relationship of you are spending so much time worrying about him. The truth is, if he’s gonna cheat again there is nothing you can do. constantly taking him won’t prevent it. You living your life and building yourself up and loving yourself is the best protection you can give yourself. People are always going to disappoint us and hurt us. The more we love ourselves and are happy with ourselves, the less impact we feel from the hurtful situations. I’m happy for your new “stage”. You are definitely headed in the right direction.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I am in the minority on most sites that involve people and they and their access to technology. I don’t believe in secret accounts, texts that are hidden, Facebook accounts unless both parties can see at all times. What is the point of being married and sharing a life if you have to keep most of that life hidden. It is not a marriage. I am appalled when I read that advice columnist tell people not to search. Usually your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong and you certainly have the right to find out what it is. If you go online and read many advice columnist and their participants they all encourage sneaking and lying. I Actually worry about the next generations who have access to so much technology that can be kept hidden. It makes me wonder if marriage is going to even be in existence

    Liked by 1 person

    • ” What is the point of being married and sharing a life if you have to keep most of that life hidden. “…. I totally agree. Both spouses should always be an open book. That is good communication, honesty, and a happy marriage. Having to delete or hide anything, should make your ‘instinct buzzer” go off alarming you that you should not be doing whatever you are having to hide. With technology now days, it is way too easy to lie, deceive, and cheat… I too wonder if true, honest, happy, monogamous marriages will exist in the future.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I occasionally ready Chump Lady and yes, she has words of wisdom. However, I feel as tho she isn’t really “pro” reconciliation after an affair, and I respect that (most the time she is correct that a cheater doesn’t deserve a second chance) but every situation is different and obviously I am trying to reconcile with my husband. Not saying I am above any statistics and that chances are my marriage is doomed but I would like to fight for it till the bitter end, especially since my husband is fighting for it with me (as he should be beings as he is the one who fucked it up) but not all cheaters are sorry and many will repeat their actions. I am hoping my relationship will be one of the rare, love stories that actually evolved after an affair. ( I know, wishful thinking, but still).. I mean obviously I wish there would have been no affair at all but it is what it is…

    Liked by 2 people

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