I can finally say… I feel as though I am moving on..
It only took nine months. LOL – I laugh out loud – not because its funny what-so-ever but because it has only taken nine months. Nine months seemed like eternity and it was so very painful. I know I am not completely through the fucked up mess of emotions but at least I am starting to see “clearing”. Its like when you have a project of some-sort that you know is going to take a whole grip of time to complete, so you procrastinate even starting. Then, once you start doing it, it takes a while but you start to see progress. It feels good.. and I am feeling better.
Don’t get me wrong, if I have too much time on my hands, where I am alone, and I start to think about the disgusting, tasteless details of his affair, its like my mind won’t let it be just a passing thought. I will sit and obsess over it until it hurts so bad that I am in tears and oh-so angry as if it just happened. So, I really try not to go there in my mind. Of course, I still have my moments when something is said and the light flashes in my brain or the bell dings, but I may think of that horrible trigger for a hot second then I try to do something that quickly changes my train of thought.
I’m not perfect and I know that I will take two steps forwards and three steps back – occasionally. But as long as I am seeing and feeling progress in regards to myself, my heart.. then I will embrace the baby steps.
My husband damaged an innocent soul for some foul play. I know he will never fully understand the amount of pain he inflicted on me. He could never understand that type of pain unless it happened to him, and I am just not that type of person. However, he is being so wonderful now that I know I need to recognize and encourage his behavior because it is important that it doesn’t go unnoticed and / or unannounced. He is being a good husband NOW.
Everything about being betrayed by your lifetime lover and the intense pain it causes is the worst feeling ever!
Letting it go and trying to reconcile with the betrayer is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I pray that I never have to feel such heartache again.
But for now.. I am trying my hardest to stay focused on what I have, not what has happened and what I have lost.
Keep calm and carry on!