someday

How can I forgive, when it hurt so much?!?

“They say”..

Forgiveness isn’t logical – it’s about love. And like love itself – it cannot be earned, bought, bargained or forced – it can only be inspired. So what on earth can inspire you to do something as difficult as forgiving a cheater? Only one thing… True Love. Therefore, the real miracle is not forgiving – but loving someone enough to forgive.

HUH??

WTF does love have to do with it??

I have loved my husband UNCONDITIONALLY! To the point he was too comfortable..

Yet, my husband didn’t even love me enough not to fuck some scab!

So fuck loving him enough to forgive! HE chose what our marriage has become so for now, he gets what he gets.. and really, at some point, if he gets tired of my love not being so “truly, madly, deeply”, like it was before, then so be it. My heart has already been broken, what ever he does from here on out, will not hurt as bad as that first blow because I have my guard up and my armor on.

I mean, yes, I would like to hope years from now, that I have takin my armor off and allowed my husband back in, where I am trusting, loving, and with out a doubt all in.. And yes, of course, if that ends up happening and he betrays me again, Yes, that shit would hurt, but for now…I am doing what I have to do to protect myself and I am fully armored, guarded and prepared to fire.

As you can see..

Obviously,

I’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell,

and I don’t have time To go ’round and ’round and ’round

It’s too late to make it right

I probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself

to do what it is You think I should..

..Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I’m not sure I could

They say time heels everything

I’m still waiting…

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2 thoughts on “someday

  1. To me, forgiveness is not about the other person. It is more about not allowing the pain and anger to destroy you. Its about loving yourself and not allowing other people’s actions to control your life. VERY difficult. Definitely not there myself. I guess just a different perspective for you to consider.

    Like

    • “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”
      I understand that forgiveness will set ME free from these negative emotions. Hopefully someday I will be strong enough ..

      Like

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