Oh thank heavens!!
Words can not express how thankful I am for a new year!!
Why? I don’t know .. its just another day, in a way, but a different year.
Still though. For me, it means that time is passing…and I am alive, still married, and getting through all of this .
2014 has been one of the worst years of my life. Not just a bad day, or a bad time, I mean day after day, week after week, long, agonizing months after months of pure, uncontrollable, heart-ache.
2015 – there will be no more of all that. I am not go to carry the past pain of 2014 into a new year. Although I know I will think about being betrayed, I am gonna do my dam best to not discuss details with my husband anymore. (I already know enough, actually, in away, I know too much, and yet, without details, my mind was going crazy with assumptions.) But I don’t want to throw it in his face anymore or talk about it what so ever. We have discussed every inch of how to never allow anyone or anything to come between us again. When I need to vent or what not, I am just gonna blog or speak about it to my fam and friends…my husband knows how I feel about our situation, no need to keep reminding him. Yes, maybe here and there if there need be but for now and for a long time …gotta let it go.
I already don’t have a facebook or instagram (any social media) besides this blog – so I wont be obsessively checking on the whore or my whores (lol my husbands) account. (He deleted his facebook too.)
No more analyzing every word or action out of my husbands mouth. Rolling my eyes when he says something that once sounded good but now doesn’t hold a lot of value.
For every love song that meant something to us, I’m not gonna be so quick to change the station. For every movie that plots infidelity or a “make you wanna throw – love story”, I am not gonna change the channel or sit and flashback on my husbands actions in comparison to the show/movie and wanna just kill him.
Fuck all that!
It has been like 6-7 months since I found out about all this shit. And slowly, I mean very slowly, my triggers, my crazy thoughts, and my abusive ways (lol not that I am physically abusive, but emotionally, I haven’t been very nice) have gotten better.
To Crusty and Scuz: I am typing this with my middle finger!..
I am still here, with my husband, choosing to be by his side.
He is right here next to me, choosing to be by my side, everyday, proving his love, showing remorse, being open, and a completely better man.
We are in this marriage TOGETHER!
Onwards and upwards!
To infinity and beyond hehe (alright calm down Buzz) 😛
Now, its time to crumple that old shit up, like the trash it is, and throw it away!!
Saying goodbye to 2014 is very easily done!
…and now… its on to the next one…
ahhh! .. that’s frightful .. the unexpected new year … 2015.
Please oh please, I am very fragile.. treat me well.