Choices, Chances, Changes

You must make a choice, to take a chance, or things will never change.

I get that change is inevitable. I even embrace changes, but depends on the situation of course, and how it is presented. If it is forced upon, obviously I have a harder time accepting change, but eventually will cope with it and maybe even learn to love it. If they are changes that are apparent and much needed, then obvi I am all for em.

As for accepting the changes after my husbands disgusting affair, uh.. ya, can’t say I am willingly embracing the changes.

I had a good life – I thought a good marriage – it didn’t need changing.

I was a happy, loving, confident women – I didn’t need to change.

Apparently.. it didn’t matter my thoughts or my feelings – a happy wife doesn’t make a happy life after all.

Since I have no choice but to try an accept that apparently my husband and my husbands needs are “more important” then mine and he is/was too selfish to think about anyone beside himself . Now, in order to try and rebuild a broken life – together – I am trying to learn how to be grateful and thankful for all the new changes that were unnecessary on my behalf, yet were demanding in order for my other half to be a honest, faithful, happy husband. (oh puke) .. if we keep it real, he wasn’t unhappy in any way. All it was is that some drunk whore unzipped his pants and gave him some attention. Instead of being a good man, he thought with his dick instead of his brain. And after getting away with it once, it was easier to do again. My husband even says that…he never even thought twice about leaving me for the dumb slut – she has nothing and is a no body.  My husband didn’t have to work for it what so ever. There was no “whining and dining” or no whispering sweet nothings in her ear. All it was was she was an easy fuck who was willing to do anything when I wasn’t available or putting out. Basically an unpaid prostitute. She has never worked, doesn’t have an education, lives off the state, has 5 children, and a pathetic boyfriend who encourages her slutty ways cuz he knows she is gonna be a whore regardless so why not join her, besides, he likes cock too.

I can honestly say, I don’t think you will ever hear me say..since the affair, my relationship is even better.. it should not take a fucking affair to make a relationship good.. so to hell with that.

But, I guess I am grateful and thankful for these small changes..

1. Truth. Finally having the answer that I suspected a couple years ago. As much as I didnt want to know, what I already thought I knew,  I also needed to know to keep my sanity, even if knowing, meant losing my sanity – twisted – I know. And I am sure I will never know all of it but I got enough of it.

2. A new wedding ring. Although I was perfectly fine my original wedding ring. And obviously I got this one for all the wrong reasons but beings as I was wearing one that had no meaning, maybe this one will stand for something (not sure what that “something” is but still.)

3. A remodeled home. I can’t wait to sell our current home being as Crusty and Scuz (the ratchet couple my husband fucked) lives a couple blocks away from us. But until we list it, it is nice to have some fresh paint, new carpet, and what not. Its almost like living in a new home I guess..

4. A new bed. My husband didn’t fuck that sick bitch in our bed but still, he claims I didn’t sleep with him in the bed we did have for years (that was just another excuse cuz yes I did but whatever) , now he cant use that as an excuse because I am in our new bed every night.

5. Different decorations. I know this sounds kinda dumb, but every year for holidays I pretty much decorated with the same ones from the prior years. This year, I changed everything. Like, for instance, I had always made my Christmas tree red, silver, and gold. Nope. Threw those all out. Now have all different blues, white, silver. (LOL) ..hey now, it really is the little things that are making me get through this horrible mess.

6. My husband. Yes, I am grateful and thankful to have my husband…back. He had lost himself through all his lying, deceitful ways and as fucked up as it was, I had just accepted and allowed his absence. I mean, he was pretty much always home but he would be on his computer for 8 hours a day, escaping daily responsibilities and I was left to  hold the house down. I always told myself that he could be out doing worse, but at times I would still resent that I did everything, however, now that I know he was doing the very worst, I will never accept an absent-minded husband ever again. I know now what he is capable of, in good ways and bad ways… Its nice to see the changes he has been making and they are very apparent and I truly appreciate them. …

Everything and everyone change. You can’t expect something or someone to stay the same forever. Its not realistic. Now I just hope and pray that I am not making the wrong choice by  giving my husband a second chance and that him and I can grow, and embrace all changes, honestly, together.. forever!!

..wishful thinking .. ? …

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