Had a nice weekend with my lil crew. Friday after work, stayed home but stayed up having late night convos with my husband. We ended our night with some good love making. Saturday started off with my sons basketball game, followed it up by taking our kids to a new place for brunch. Food with my fam ❤ 🙂 ! Then for the most part, we all just stayed home watching movies, having drawing contests, and of course.. stuffing our face with good eats. Nice and lazy weekend with the people I love most.
Now, its back to the work grind! As much as I love the weekend, I used to love them more. Between my mom or my mother-in-law, we usually have a sitter on Friday nights, so I would come home from work and get all dolled up. We would go out to dinner and then meet up with “friends” or my husband and I would venture off somewhere by ourselves. I’m not so into that anymore. Although only a few select people know about my husbands disgusting affair, I still can’t stand the thought of hanging out with our people, laughing and carrying on as if nothing in our lives have changed. At this moment, I am ashamed of my relationship, ashamed of my husband, I can’t fake the funk as if I still hold him on his high pedestal, as if I am proud of him and our relationship.
The weekends come and go so quickly, and as much as I enjoy spending the time as a family (and specially with my kiddos) and of course, not having to wake up bright and early and rush out the door to be gone for 8 hours, I am also very thankful to return to work (I cant believe I just said that out loud). LOL Being at work takes my wondering thoughts off of the constant mind-fuck of replaying the affair. When the “truth” of the affair first came out, I had to force myself to go to work, shoot, I had to force myself to crawl out of bed, to breath, to live, I thought work was gonna be the death of me but now I see, it’s my sanity (in a way). A place where I can get away and stay focused on something other then why my heart hurts.
It took me years and dedication to accomplish where I am at in life and I expect even greater things to come, with or without my husband. I spent several years devoting my all as a wife and a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I did continue to pursue going to college part-time during those years because I never wanted to be a woman who could not support myself incase my husband and I didn’t work out and as much as I hated thinking that we may not be together forever, the reality is, a lot of marriages fail and I had always heard / read of the horror stories of how the woman had been married for 20 years, never had any real education or work experience, the marriage ended and now she didn’t know how to be financially stable. That wasn’t gonna be me! Thank fuckin god I have a mind of my own and didn’t listen to my husband who swore he would always take care of me. Thank god I graduated college and ended up with a good career. No matter if I end up with a broken home, regardless if my marriage fails… I am a success!! That alone, keeps my head held high.
Got my mind on my money and my money on my mind!
Mondays are my new fundays!