Yesterday was not my best day. Glad its over actually. I used to not be that type – the type to wish the time away because that is something you can never get back …time. But since finding out about my husbands affair, I just want time to pass so I could move on from the hurt and anger that is constantly taking over my mind. I keep telling myself not to do anything irrational. Not to go fuck someone else just to pay him back – just give it time. Don’t go file for divorce – time will tell whether I can forgive and go forward with our “marriage” or time will tell me to move the fuck on.
This time last year, everything was so different. I didn’t know about the affair, I mean, I had questioned it prior but we weren’t hanging out with Crusty or Scuz so they were irrelevant to our lives. Basically out of sight, out of mind. I was happy I guess knowing, but not knowing – if that makes sense. Sometimes, I wish I never had found out the truth, I mean, I already knew in my heart, yes, but I didn’t know details, and once the full affair was told, I couldn’t undo what I knew, and I hate the images that replay in my head. I hate that. And I am constantly rethinking each time I questioned my husbands actions, oh how I would have handled things so different now. Unfortunately, I believed in my man. I will never have that type of faith in someone again – except for my kids – I still and always will believe in them!!
The holidays are coming. I am usually all about them – this year I feel like being the Grinch who stole Christmas, but for my kids sake, I am gonna suck it up. I know there is a time and place for everything and the holidays are an important part of memories in life. I wish my husband would have thought about that when he decided to have his first threesome with another male and a whore on the 4th of July, I truly never want to celebrate the 4th with my husband again. The holiday is now tainted. I love the 4th of July too – fucker! Getting the family together, grilling out some good grub, enjoying the day through the evening, then staring at the beautiful fireworks reminiscing on this wonderful life. I still feel that way, unfortunately then I think about my husband fucking them two and coming home, didn’t even shower and came and slept with me – now that fucks up my holiday memory. And then in November, through thanksgiving, he decided to fuck them both again. A Happy fucking Thanksgiving memory huh!
I know that miracles take time. And for my marriage to be honestly happy, its gonna take a lot of work. Time is either going to work for us or against us because this time, I am not going to waste any time thinking about someone who doesn’t even think twice about me.
This is a rough time in my life but I am trying to stay focused on the new times in my life, by creating good times, and then hopefully someday I will never even think about the bad times.
Time is limited.
Time is priceless.
Time / timing is everything.
With all this said..
There is always time for a glass of wine 🙂
Cheers to the freakin weekend!